The Incredible Value Of Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences
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The Incredible Value Of Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences

My first serious boss, at my first serious job, used to repeat it over and over. It was a mantra to try new approaches, to work harder, to get the job done.

A few years later, when I was now the serious boss, I used to say the same thing to my team, expecting creativity, diligence and success.

The statement has been mis-attributed to Benjamin Franklin, Albert Einstein, and Mark Twain.

No doubt, you have heard it before.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing, over and over, and expecting a different result.

 

Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences

 

After six weeks of intense crying, 45 minute feeding schedules, and driving for two hours a day to get him to nap, I remember looking down at my four-month old son and thinking, “I have to try something else, something new, something different. It’s insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.”

After saying to my youngest son, for the 1,450,230th time to please put down the toilet lid, close the door behind him, stop singing at the top of his lungs while everyone else in the house is sleeping, and make sure you brush the back teeth too not just the front, I think to myself, “I have to try something else, something new, something different. It’s insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.”

After scrubbing the bathroom, wiping down the kitchen counters, feeding all the people again, picking the throw pillows up off the floor and putting them back on the couch for the third time in five hours (incidentally, I now completely understand why they are called throw pillows), I am exhausted. I think to myself, “I have to try something else, something new, something different. It’s insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.”

 

Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences

 

The Definition of Insanity and Motherhood

The other day, I heard it again. The definition of insanity.

We were talking about new things to try, new books to read, even new prayers to pray in an effort to help our children progress.

At first, I nodded knowingly. It makes sense. If something isn’t working, try something else.

In fact, most of my life as a mother has been a series of trials and errors that have finally gotten us to answers.

But this time, hearing the quote made me feel hollow. Something wasn’t quite right, although I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time.

 

Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences

 

The Incredible Value Of Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences

Later that evening, my son had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night. We were up for hours, snuggling, crying, talking, deep breathing and eventually calming down and getting back to sleep.

As the dark, exhausted minutes ticked by, my mind began to race. What did I miss? How do I fix this for him? What can I do differently to stop this from happening?

Somewhere, deep down inside, I heard the answer.

Sometimes, being a mom means you just keep doing the same thing, even if you don’t get a different result.

 

Our children require routine and consistency, even when they resist it. Even when they don’t seem to respond to it!

Sometimes, the only thing that can possibly be consistent is us. 

An so, it means losing sleep, and getting dirty, and scrubbing a floor that’s been scrubbed a thousand times.

It means a budget that is stretched a little too thin every month.

It means getting up and facing the day, knowing it means meltdowns, not getting a shower, messes, crying in the bathroom with the door closed, reheating the cup of coffee four times and then finally forgetting it in microwave until dinner, endless reminders about basic hygiene, breaking up fights between brothers, and pouring out every last bit of ourselves.

I think the definition of motherhood, at least in the day-to-day, might actually be insane.

But that does not discount the immense value of it. 

 

Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences
photo credit – S. Ballard

Motherhood is chaos.

It is slippery and unpredictable.

But when I try to somehow control it, to figure it all out, to get it all mastered, I miss the point.

Motherhood means rocking the crying baby, wiping the sweet bottom, reading the same book, and sopping up the bath water as the delighted boy splashes, over and over again.

It means ignoring the muddy footprints, instead focusing on the excited child who can’t wait to show you the fort he built.

It means just being there, present and comforting, in the middle of the night or in the midst of the meltdown.

Loving my children means surrendering, not fixing.

And so, I pray the same prayers for my sons, over and over, trusting the result is not mine to manage.

I wake and begin another day, expecting the chaos, and looking for joy in the midst of it.

I love, and I cry, and I fail, and I yell, and I apologize, and I laugh, and I hug, and I clean, and I tuck in, and I wipe tears, and I kiss, and I love some more.

Mothering children with learning differences (and even those without) is doing the same thing over and over again, no matter what the result.

After ten years at home with my boys, I can honestly say that the results matters far less than the showing up itself. 

 

Establishing Routine And Consistency For Children With Learning Differences

Why Are Consistent Homeschool Routines So Hard?

When The Child Who Needs Structure Resists It The Most

 

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8 Comments

  1. Thanks, I needed this today, my house definitely fits the insanity definition this week!

  2. This was so beautiful! So many times I have struggled with that quote when it comes to motherhood – and I especially loved that line about expecting chaos and looking for joy in it.
    thankyou!

  3. YES! Love this post (and your blog) It is so true – we do the same thing over and over again, don’t we? Today when I picked up the hand towel for the three hundredth time I thought, ‘Why do I bother?’ Then I remembered, because they’ll need it. That’s it. They need me to do the stuff I do. Period. Here’s to finding joy in the chaos.

  4. Hi guys, I’m a new mother and I am trying to get my two month daughter to sleep longer during night. Right now I’m fortunate to have three hours rest a night. Thanks

  5. Here’s a different quote to consider – actually penned by a brilliant man, G.K. Chesterton.

    “The sun rises every morning. I do not rise every morning; but the variation is due not to my activity, but to my inaction. Now, to put the matter in a popular phrase, it might be true that the sun rises regularly because he never gets tired of rising. His routine might be due, not to a lifelessness, but to a rush of life.

    The thing I mean can be seen, for instance, in children, when they find some game or joke that they specially enjoy. A child kicks his legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life. Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony.

    It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we. The repetition in Nature may not be a mere recurrence; it may be a theatrical encore.”

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