I have not been the mom I want to be today…not at all.
I am so tired.
I am increasingly resentful of all the care my children require.
I am overwhelmed by a week that seems like it Just. Won’t. End.
It feels like there is not enough coffee in the world.
The floors are sticky.
The bathroom is a crime scene.
There is laundry as far as the eye can see.
A new mess was just made in the kitchen and then abandoned by my son in a total lack of executive function.
I haven’t done my hair in so many days I forget how long it is when it is down and not pulled back into a messy bun.
I miss my needstoworkovertimetopayforallthesecrazymedicalbills husband. A lot.
My boys actually started punching each other in line at the post office today, because my oldest was melting down over the heat, and my youngest insisted it was time to snap his fingers and annoy him.
I Am Not The Mom I Want To Be
Sigh. Big, long sigh.
I want to be the mom capable of pulling all of this together.
I want to be the mom who can clean up the same mess for the 17th time, and thank Jesus for the sweet hands that made it.
I want to be the mom who can speak calmly, and with love, when it looks like the postal worker might be dialing the police.
I am not that mom.
I am simply the mom God gave these boys.
Some days, it makes sense.
Today, I am scratching my head and wondering what in the world God could possibly have planned for us in all of this.
Why is it so hard to be the mom I want to be? I have so many dreams, goals and ideals for our lives. Today, it feels like I am failing at them all.
And although I feel like I am letting them down, I am just as committed to this – I will not grow weary of doing good.
I will not give up.
For today, it’s enough.
For More Encouragement and Support
Shawna Wingert is a former training and development professional turned education specialist, and has homeschooled her two children for the last ten years.Shawna has written four books about homeschooling unique learners and has been featured in homeschooling discussions on Today.com, The Mighty, Simple Homeschool, My Little Poppies and Raising Lifelong Leaners.
You can find her online here at DifferentByDesignLearning.com.