On waiting (my Rahab plan)
When my husband and I first separated, in home, I thought it would be for a short period of time, while we worked out a few things. I was the one who instigated it, asking him to move into the spare bedroom after discovering some things on his phone.
He was not happy about it and I took that as a good sign. He didn’t want this. We’d work things out.
In the weeks that followed, I cried myself to sleep every night and lied to my children, telling them that we were in separate rooms because his snoring was keeping me awake at night. It also became increasingly clear that while he still wanted to move back into our bedroom, he was not willing to do anything that would help me feel emotionally safe enough for that to happen.
In an anxiety ridden tailspin, I started trauma therapy (again). It was in a conversation with my therapist that it crystallized.
My Rahab Plan
And the Lord answered me: Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he who reads it may run.
Habakkuk 2:2
There is a story in the bible about a sex worker named Rahab.
I’ve always loved it.
(Side note: I am a sucker for any woman mentioned in the bible, but especially those with painful, broken, shameful stories. One day, I hope to write an entire bible study about them. Think woman at the well meets Hagar and Rahab. We all get together to talk, in real and colorful language, about how much this side of heaven can suck and at the same time, the immense power and grace in the love and peace of the Divine.)
Rahab is not one of “God’s people.” In fact, in her day (and in ours?) she’s about as far away from being one of them as possible.
She is a known prostitute. She is unclean.
I heard her story, without really knowing her story, off and on throughout my life.
In 7th grade, we sang a song in choir…
Joshua fit the battle around Jericho, Jericho, Jericho.
Joshua fit the battle around Jericho and the walls came tumblin’ down.
In finding this video for you, I was today years old when I learned this is also an Elvis Presley cover. My mind is blown.
Over the years, I heard a lot about Joshua and Caleb, their strength and courage. Their faithfulness, walking around that wall, six days in a row, waiting on the 7th day.
(If you have never heard of this bible story and have no idea what I am talking about, I’m so sorry. I am too excited to tell you about the Rahab part to go back and fill in all the details. It’s a terrible choice for a writer, but I only have so much time to finish this before my son wakes up. If you are interested in learning more, this will give you all the details.)
I knew Rahab’s part in the story, at least I thought I did. She was a bad girl, turned good, who saved them from capture and ultimately saved herself and her family from the vengeance of God.
But Elvis and everyone else sang of Joshua, so most of what I took away from it were Joshua’s actions, not Rahab’s…
until my therapist and I began to work out how to plan for my future. As she spoke about the unknown of what was to come, and my need to accept the ambiguity of it all, Rahab came to mind. I told her.
It’s the six days. But not like Joshua, like Rahab.
My therapist blinked a few times and asked me to explain.
Rahab hides the men, sneaks them out of city, and hopes it will be enough to save her.
Some time passes and then Joshua walks around the walls for six days. He has the direction from God and knows what to do, even if he is not sure why he is doing it. He has an entire army with him, behind him, supporting him.
Rahab’s six days look very different than his.
She has no idea what’s coming.
She has to go about her life, wondering if and when the walls of her city, and her life, will tumble down.
I am Rahab right now. I think something is going to happen, but I have no idea what, how or when. And I have to go about my daily life, with the equivalent of thousands of soldiers’ footsteps, surrounding my home.
My therapist smiled and said,
Well then, we need to help you come up with a Rahab Plan.
We created a list, intended to help me focus on what was within my control and prepare me for the uncertainty of the future.
- Develop a self care routine
- Focus on my children and their needs, instead of being preoccupied with my husband and how I could meet his needs
- Take on more work to help in the event that I needed to bring in money to support myself and my children
That was it. The Rahab Plan.
When things felt unknown, threatening and overwhelming, I tried to spend time in one of the 3 areas of my Rahab Plan, instead of spinning out about if and when the walls might tumble down around me.
At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting—it will happen!
Habakkuk 2:3
You already know that it all eventually did come down.
When the walls crumbled, it was crushing. I thought the army had left, that we were no longer under attack, and that my marriage was getting back on track. I hadn’t thought about my Rahab plan in a while, until the final blow to my marriage.
The 7th day had finally come.
The Bible says that after Joshua and the Israelites took Jericho, Rahab and her loved ones went to live near Israel’s camp.
When Rahab left behind everything she ever knew and began living with a group of people who were completely foreign, it must have felt disconcerting at best, and terrifying at worst.
How would she live and support herself and her family?
How would she cope with the unfamiliar new life she found thrust upon her?
What would happen next?
I think that’s where I am now. It’s a new phase of my Rahab plan. I don’t have these answers for myself either. But here is what I do know…
Rahab thrives.
We learn that this gentile sex worker ends up in the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1:5 – “Salomon was the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab.” This mention of her name is extraordinary. She is the only women mentioned in a lineage of men.
Rahab, despite all that life threw at her, created a life that led to goodness and more life.
I have faith that my own Rahab plan will bring the same.
Prayer
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