Not The Former Things

Personal weekly emails about life, faith, and the beautiful mess of it all.

My name is Shawna. It used to be Shawna Barnhart, but then it was Shawna Wingert. It will soon be Barnhart again.

The only name that feels like it is really mine is Shawna, so that is how I will introduce myself if you’re new to this side of my life.

Hi, I’m Shawna. I’m glad you’re here.

I find myself wanting to tell you about some of my personal experiences and the very real wrestling I’ve been doing as it relates to my faith, the end of my marriage, and all of the other things that make me who I am.

The past 5 years of my life (and especially the last 374 days and counting) have been a special kind of emotional and spiritual hell. The only thing that has remained a constant, throughout the undoing of everything I thought I knew to be true, is the closeness of God.

In the midst of the very worst, the Spirit has continued to whisper words of encouragement and hope – in books and in YouTube Videos, in scripture and in memes, through the love of my friends and family, through strangers on the internet, in conversations with my therapist, and especially in privacy and sound dampening cavern of my car, parked in the darkness of my garage.

(My children did not need to hear me screaming and crying, but I needed to scream and cry. Even in those moments, I knew and I felt that I was surrounded with a fierce love – but more on that as we go…)

The only constant in my life for so long has been my complicated, deeply personal faith.
I miss sharing my faith. I did it for years under the same title, “Not The Former Things” as a way of working through the challenges of motherhood and special needs homeschooling.

For better or worse, I have so much I want to share. Some of it is really sad. Almost all of it is messy. Maybe, just maybe, it can be helpful and encouraging as well.

I am ready to begin again.

Please, join me.