“I think, for right now, I just need to settle for good enough.”
I distinctly remember saying these words to my sweet friend about a year ago. She nodded sympathetically and said, “Sometimes good enough is the best we can do. In time, it will change. You’ll see.”
She was right. In time it did change. A lot.
Some changes gave me more time and energy. Like moving to a much quieter house that didn’t cause a meltdown every 20 minutes when an ambulance went by, or a jackhammer started hammering. Or finally finding an OT that really, really helped us. These changes made me feel like good enough might be behind us.
But then other changes came. Changes in our routine and my son’s meds. Changes in doctors and my husband’s job. These did not give me more time and energy. These changes? They just felt like more. More on top of more for me to manage, me to handle, me to pray about, me to figure out.
And then, it’s the new year. In the midst of feeling like I am clawing my way back to some semblance of a normal routine, we are also trying to determine what is causing chronic pain for my son (read doctors appointments and phone calls and more phone calls and worrying about his pain level, his energy level, his ability to function). We are dealing with the very real prospect of more ongoing treatments and more meds. and more pain for him. More of more.
I find myself looking around, at the laundry that is NEVER caught up (and I mean never at this point), at the floors I know I just scrubbed (but not really – time flies when you feel a little crazy), at the special school project I couldn’t wait to do with the boys and never got to, at the book I wanted to read, at the Bible study that I just knew I could finish up by the end of the year, at the recipe for the special dinner I wanted to make for my husband – I look around and I see all the things that are just not getting done. “Good Enough” just doesn’t get these things done.
I have been praying and praying for direction, for wisdom, for strength, for organizational abilities beyond my own. I have been praying that I might be different and do it differently, so that my good enough would be great.
Instead of all of that, you know what God, in his grace, has answered?
I am enough.
All my failures, the real ones and the perceived….
All my bad days and lack of getting things done…
All my good enoughs? They add up. They add up to ENOUGH.
Because although ‘good enough’ is like less than, like settling, enough is exactly what is needed.
Enough is complete and not lacking.
Enough is exactly what we mommas are in God’s economy. Because the world tells us we need shiny floors at all times, and happy children who can’t wait to read another book well chosen by their thoughtful momma. The world tells us that skinnier is better, and you better not leave the house in those yoga pants. The world tells us that we have to do more, try more, and be more.
It makes me tired. It makes me lose myself in all the things that must be done to be better, to be more, to be a good mom, a good wife, and a good Christian.
But this is the day that the Lord has made. My abilities and my inabilities. My children and their abilities and inabilities. My husband and his abilities and inabilities. God made it ALL. And put it ALL together in this house, under these circumstances.
He is sweetly telling me that because of HIS work, and not my own – I am enough.
…and so are you.