What Do I Do Now That My Child Has A Diagnosis?
The reality is that you get the results and then you go home. Nothing changes. What do I do now that my child has a diagnosis?
“How are you doing?” the psychologist asked, after his session with my son.
I am asked this a lot lately.
By sweet friends. By my family. By my husband.
By many of you.
I am grateful that I am asked. But I am never really sure how to respond.
The last few weeks (really months) have been a haze of symptoms and meltdowns, medications that work and medications that don’t, doctor after doctor, therapist after therapist, all leading up to a comprehensive neuro-psychiatric evaluation at one of the top children’s hospitals in the nation.
After days of testing, take home questionnaires, family history forms and extensive interviews, we were given a list of all the disorders my ten-year old son meets the DSM-V diagnostic criteria for.
They confirmed his generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis.
They confirmed what we have suspected for a while, and diagnosed him with ADHD.
And they diagnosed him with a mood disorder.
I walked out of the hospital, my son holding my hand and anxious in all the downtown traffic, and the world felt different somehow. Unfamiliar. Scary.
I came home to the same mess we’d left in the kitchen that morning. My oldest son was excited to tell me what he’d learned about flightless fruit flies as feeders for frogs. My husband needed to get some work done after taking so much time off.
I have said it before and I will say it again.
The truth is, your child receives a diagnosis and then you go home.
Absolutely nothing changes.
Except your heart. Your heart is never the same.
You come home and the meltdowns continue, the sleeplessness is a constant, and your child is still in pain.
It takes time for treatment to begin, and even longer for treatment to help.
With my oldest son, it was months before we really felt like he was experiencing some relief.
I remind myself of this, as often as I can. It just takes time.
The most difficult part of this no mans land between diagnosis and therapeutic progress, is seeing my sweet boy suffer – and knowing there is nothing I can do to make it stop. As a mother, doing nothing feels wrong. Flat wrong. And doing nothing requires more courage and faith than I think I am capable of right now.
There are only a few things that I think can help, in the midst of this season of waiting.
What Do I Do Now That My Child Has A Diagnosis?
Relax Everything
The schedule.
The schooling.
The meal planning.
The cleaning.
The obligations outside our home.
The expectations for our entire family must be adjusted in this season. We are officially in survival mode.
Be Intentional About Time With My Other Child
Fortunately, my oldest son is doing really well right now. It’s tempting to allow him to just be the easy child for a bit, while the bulk of my energy is focused on my newly diagnosed son. It would be easy, but I don’t think it would be wise.
He needs me, more than ever, as he struggles to understand why his brother isn’t himself anymore.
He needs me, more than ever to reassure him, as he sees my tears and frustration.
He needs me to be present as his momma, and to show him that he is always a priority, even if it looks a little different for a while.
And lastly, but probably most importantly –
Pray, a lot.
All the time. The honest, ugly prayers. The prayers for protection, for healing, for salvation.
The prayers for patience, for sleep, for help.
The “Help me, God” prayers and the “Please God, please help my boy” prayers.
The why him, the why me, the why us prayers.
The prayers without words, just tears.
I need to pray them all, because this is the only way I know to find peace in the storm.
The more I pray, the more I am reminded that God is in our midst. He always has been, and He promises He always will be.
I am reminded that my son is His first.
I am comforted, as I once again settle into the reality that my son is fearfully and wonderfully made.
A diagnosis doesn’t change this truth.
And the more time goes on, the more I catch glimpses of how my son’s unique brain, although a mystery right now, is beautiful.
The artistic, empathetic, sweet, energetic, fun, and loving boy is still here, not despite his diagnoses, but in some instances, because of them.
I will not pick and choose what I love about my sweet son.
I love him, all of him, just as he is.
And that is my answer to the question, “How are you doing?”
I am loving him with everything I’ve got.
This post originally appeared here on Not The Former Things in 2016.
For more encouragement and support:
This Is What Happens When Your Child Has Both Medical And Behavioral Health Diagnoses
We just got a diagnosis of anxiety recently for my daughter. Counseling is doing a decent job, but we’re starting meds as of today. She’s usually been my “easy” one–sweet and fairly compliant. All of a sudden the worry began eating her alive. So hard to see it going on and not be able to “just fix it” but need intervention.
we are experiencing the same thing. My youngest was a go with the flow, easy going, super happy little boy. About a year ago, things started to change and recently have been dramatically difficult for him. It is always a blessing to know we are not alone. Thank you for encouraging me with your story today.
A huge thank you to everyone who shared. Sometimes you feel so alone, but when another Mama heart shares, it is as comforting and soothing as a summer breeze. My “person” has three diagnoses, and they are extremely severe. We are homeschooling her precious, brilliant son because he was not challenged, was bored, and was bullied in public school. The worst part was that he lost his excitement for learning. We are seeing it return, and thankfully, homeschooling allows us to be in “survival mode.”. It is hard on everyone when illness strikes a family. Homeschooling allows us the opportunity to weather the storms together, and to take better care of each other.
Praying for your family, Shawna.
Thank you so much, Kris. It means so much to me.
Hi, Just curious if you have ruled out pathegens with a reputable functional medicine Dr.?